[He can't shut the journal on this conversation. He can't get up and walk away. He can't push the other. He's trapped here, exhausted and left to slowly crumble underneath Silver's words. His spine curls. His head bends down. His shoulders hunch.] Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
[Part of him wonders if Silver honestly believes he could change if he tried. Then he has to wonder why and that throws the door open to a long string of questions he's too afraid to ask seriously. It's stupid. He knows it's stupid, to think for even a fleeting moment that he can be anything but what he is. Always pretending to be strong. Always weak.
There's safety in the immutable - something he desperately needs in all the chaos his heart has been thrown into here. He's still right. He was always right. It's everyone else who's wrong, everyone else who doesn't understand. He doesn't need to change, because you don't fix what isn't broken. He needs to keep telling himself that for as long as possible.]
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[Part of him wonders if Silver honestly believes he could change if he tried. Then he has to wonder why and that throws the door open to a long string of questions he's too afraid to ask seriously. It's stupid. He knows it's stupid, to think for even a fleeting moment that he can be anything but what he is. Always pretending to be strong. Always weak.
There's safety in the immutable - something he desperately needs in all the chaos his heart has been thrown into here. He's still right. He was always right. It's everyone else who's wrong, everyone else who doesn't understand. He doesn't need to change, because you don't fix what isn't broken. He needs to keep telling himself that for as long as possible.]