imatreenow | eighteen [action]

[Friday afternoon finds Mithos dragging a granite statue through the streets of Luceti. It will look familiar to those who can claim Aselia as their home world, carved adoringly in the likeness of a young man wielding dual swords. The figure is planted atop a base that bears a plaque engraved with the simple honor, "The Hero Lloyd Irving." All together, it stands at about three and a half feet, scaled down from the original model.

For Mithos, it's a bitter reminder of things that could never have been. Its sudden appearance in his house had been an elbow nudging him sharply in the ribs, an obnoxious stage whisper prompting, "Hey, remember that time all your hopes and dreams were crushed?"

Yes, yes he remembers.

Which is why he had to get rid of it. The first day, he dragged the statue behind the house, let it topple into the river, and watched the determined stony face sink below the surface. The next morning, it found its way back to his living room. Each day, he drags it farther away, and each morning it proudly comes back.

His route today takes him up from the south end of the village through the north end and into the woods. The farther away, the better.]

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[He finds his voice again.] You don't mean that. [His words are soft, incredulous, and - underneath it all - wanting. He tries to make them harder, sharper, colder, everything he needs to be so he can stop falling apart.]

You can't possibly mean that.

I do mean it! Why wouldn't I?! [He maintains direct eye contact with Mithos.] Even if the promise I made back then means nothing to you, it means everything to me. Even a partially fabricated me is still me, and it's something real I took from that. I can't possibly be friends with Lloyd if he's hurt you so much. Even if he's a kind person, I can't do that.

No one deserves to be all alone, and to have nowhere to return to. I don't know what he did to cause that, Mithos, but whatever it was... I can't imagine myself agreeing with it.

[If he knew what Lloyd had done was take Mithos' life, he'd be even further against it. Jeb doesn't even want it to come down to that with Donovan...]

I-- [can't I can't do this I can't can't can't] --just want to be left alone. How many times do I have to repeat myself?

[He can't do this again. He can't try to trust someone - trust a human - again, not when it was so hard the first time, so confusing, exhausting his heart, he can't. But hadn't it been worth it in the end, with Sayo? Hadn't he found something he stopped dreaming he would feel a long time ago? No he can't, he doesn't want to try he doesn't want to see or listen or feel anything.]

...you said yourself that you didn't. That you never did.

[He wonders if saying that is a mistake once he says it, but it's too late, isn't it?]

Shut up. [He did say that he remembers saying that and he wishes he hadn't why did he let Jeb hear that part of him--]

I can't even stand you-- [This is true. He's not lying, but he's still hiding. He can't stand Jeb because of the way he digs underneath his skin and crosses wires.] --so why would I want-- [to be friends to let you try to make it hurt less] --anything to do with you?

[He hates being confused. He hates not knowing what to believe. He wants everything black and white, simple, painless, but does painlessness even exist?]

...if I were stronger, maybe you'd be able to stand me. [If he were someone else, maybe he could break through. Mithos used to have support, didn't he? And Jeb... wasn't always this desperate. Is it because Mithos is alone now that Jeb's more desperate than ever to keep his promise? Why? He knows Mithos can't stand him. But he's not blaming Mithos for that--he's blaming himself.] It's my fault. If I were someone worthy...

[If I were stronger, but Mithos knows he's weaker than Jeb. That doesn't stop him from pretending, from pulling the steel around himself, and turning this away from his own heart, bruised and pulpy.] But you're not. You're just a weak and pathetic human.

["Human"... no, he's not. Not since the moment his powers awakened, brought forth by his connection to someone who never should have died in the first place. But...]

Yes... I am weak and pathetic. [He can at least comment on that. If he weren't, he wouldn't have needed to be shoved out of the way back then. No one would have been hurt on his account.]

You can't do anything. [Jeb is as powerless as he is, isn't he? He can't help him. Nobody here can help him. He's wedged right where he is, and nothing can pry him out.] So stop trying to fool yourself into thinking you can. [Stop trying to fool him into thinking that maybe, just maybe...]

...I was able to help you. D-During that draft, I was able to help you. [It's all he can think of to say in response.] Maybe I am weak now, but maybe I also won't be weak forever. I was able to do that one thing back then. Maybe I'll learn to be able to do more.

[He only has the same old arguments, wearing thin and, sapped of energy, growing brittle. He can't push Jeb's logic - not cold, but enticingly warm - away anymore.

But he's afraid to stop trying.] Stop it. [He takes a threatening step closer.] Just stop it.

[Jeb stops talking, but he doesn't take a step back in respond to Mithos' stepping forward. He only watches him.]

[He pauses in his advance when Jeb doesn't back away. His glare is frantic, and his arsenal of words are all blanks. He wants Jeb to disappear, or he wants himself to disappear - he doesn't know which would be better.]

[Jeb just keeps watching him, still not backing down. He knows Mithos could hurt him--he's done it before. He's threatened to kill him. Even so...]

[Sharp words don't work. Threats don't work. He doesn't know how to push Jeb away. He doesn't know what to do he can't do this he just can't--

So he just glares, and then he turns to leave, as though Jeb is not worth his time. He's not. It's not worth it. All roads end in more hurt. He grabs the statue again, and begins to pull, with no intention of stopping.]

[He doesn't leave, but he doesn't follow Mithos either. He just bows his head, speaking very quietly.]

Be safe, Mithos.

eighteen [action]

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