[He takes a step back without meaning to. He doesn't want to be here; he doesn't want to hear this. He doesn't need anybody. Or is is that he's afraid of needing somebody? He's stared down that path before, turning his eyes away before he can see too far, before he can want it, even as his feet point forward.]
Stay away from me!
[His voice is threaded with desperation, something raw and unraveled. He can't look at Jeb, because he doesn't want him to read the fear painting his face. He's been here before. With Sayo, what feels like a long time ago. Cornered and lonely - he can hardly remember a time when he wasn't - and afraid to reach for someone's hand but tired of running, tired of everything.
No, he's going to be strong now. How many times had he told himself that, while knowing deep in his skin that he would never be able to harden his heart? How often had he confused sheer power with the kind of strength he covets? Had he been weak in letting others help him before? Didn't he have to find the strength to support those relationships, when it would have been easier to give in to his fears?]
no subject
Stay away from me!
[His voice is threaded with desperation, something raw and unraveled. He can't look at Jeb, because he doesn't want him to read the fear painting his face. He's been here before. With Sayo, what feels like a long time ago. Cornered and lonely - he can hardly remember a time when he wasn't - and afraid to reach for someone's hand but tired of running, tired of everything.
No, he's going to be strong now. How many times had he told himself that, while knowing deep in his skin that he would never be able to harden his heart? How often had he confused sheer power with the kind of strength he covets? Had he been weak in letting others help him before? Didn't he have to find the strength to support those relationships, when it would have been easier to give in to his fears?]