imatreenow | twenty [action]

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twenty [action]

[Almost a week ago Mithos had returned from a mission, the first he'd ever volunteered for. It may have seemed a strange choice for someone who trusted no one, who loathed being a pawn for others, to submit himself as a lab rat for combat testing, but his choices are narrowing around him. There is something he is after. Something he can finally close his fingers around, after watching it all scream past him for so long. If he is going to be used by the Malnosso regardless of his choices, it is better that he gains something from it - which he'd had to remind himself many times to dampen the sour taste sitting in the back of his throat.

Now back in the village, he has resumed the same quiet routine as before. In the early morning, before the sun is too hot in the sky, and before too many villagers are awake, he can be seen hunched over in the garden around House 52. He tries not to wonder if the flowers, planted with the thin hope that his sister might have the chance to enjoy them, amount to anything more than a vain effort. When he decides he needs more supplies, he makes sure to visit the flower shop in the early afternoon - wondering, like a scratch in the back of his mind, if school is still in session at all, or if he'll run into someone he would rather not see at all.

Later in the day, he withdraws to the woods south of the village to train. Four thousand years of fighting are wired inside his muscles, but it doesn't hurt to stay as sharp as possible. He's still getting used to the subtle differences between a proper sword and the knife he now relies on. Slicing the air, going through the motions of killing, he feels like he is building something. When he's done, he settles in against the base of a tree and draws the ancient set of panpipes from his pocket. He usually prefers to play inside, where the music of his sister cannot be heard by prying ears, but surrounded by the forest and his thoughts he can almost forget that people exist. And so the notes come out, clear and steady.]

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[Utena is close enough to the entrance of the flower shop to notice Mithos showing up. She looks over to him for a moment, then looks back down at the flowers. Does she risk talking to him? He's taller--that's a bad sign that he's back to normal. Besides, maybe it's better to forget the whole training sessions thing... and also--

Valentine's Day. She groans a little.]

[Definitely better to forget. In the years he's passed in Luceti, Mithos has become well-versed in pretending that a lot of things never happened. And absolutely nothing has gone awry in that regard. Except for when it does go awry, but that is neither here nor there.

His eyes pass over Utena, catching for only an irritated second, as he steps into the shop and briskly stalks past her.]

[She lets out a tense sigh. It bothers her, just ignoring it like this. Or maybe it's because Mithos bothers her. Just the way he holds himself in general, and the way he acts. Or maybe it's because he's one big case of whiplash. Out of everyone she's met, he's the one who seems to be the most drastically affected by the Malnosso's weird experiments.]

...the rose. The one you gave me the advice on. [She doesn't look at him as she speaks, and her tone is softer than usual. He at least deserves to know this.] I've taken really good care of it.

[He pauses in his stride, and while he does not turn around to face her, he turns his head back toward his shoulder just a little. His voice is cold and sterile, a sheet of steel.]

Do you think I care?

No. At least, not about me... but maybe about the rose itself. [Because of his sister... she has to wonder what caused him to change so much when he returned to normal (is it normal for him? She doesn't know...) as she turns her own head to look at him.] You seemed to be so passionate about that.

[He turns around to glare at her more fully. Maybe she'll get the message faster - that he wants to be left alone.] It's just a plant. [What he cherished was the bridge to his sister the plants could provide.]

Whatever you say. [She looks back to the flowers.] ...what happened to change you so much?

[It is a long story full of dark, spiraling paths of broken flagstone that is difficult to retrace. The beginning is easy to find, but every step afterward runs together. He silently regards her with the same cold glare for a moment.]

Do you really wish to know? [His words breathe the chilled whispers of secrets like the mouth of a cave.]

[Looking back at Mithos, Utena just watches him for a moment in slight surprise.]

Well, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know.

[He's not in the mood for stories, but he's always in the mood to flash his victim card. The version of the tale he delivers this time is blunt, but still somehow sharpened to a fine point. Shadows of sorrow stretch out thinly but infinitely behind each word.]

My sister died. She was killed by humans we had trusted, whose hearts we thought we had changed. I realized that it was foolish to believe that people could learn to change, and so I dropped all of my earlier delusions. [And so the remaining layers of his innocence and naivete wilted away to reveal a bitter core.]

...a long time ago, I was sad too. Really sad, because my mother and father were gone.

["Why didn't I realize it before today? That there's no such thing as something eternal..."

For a moment, she feels like she's on the brink of remembering something important. Being at the end of the world, a girl she promised she'd save--

But it disappears quickly, before it can solidify, before Utena can truly grasp it. In its place, she remembers the safer way she recovered from that incident. The idealized, childish memory she held so dear. For a moment she thinks of Mikage, how he had talked about how both of them had memories they wanted to keep forever, but she shoves it aside.]

But... after that, I met a prince. That prince helped me to move on from my sadness. [She raises her hand, showing Mithos her rose signet.] He gave me this so I wouldn't forget our meeting. He told me that if I never lost my nobility, we'd meet again. I believe that. Even if losing your sister is hard, you shouldn't give up on everything. There's still a lot of good around you, Mithos.

[He listens silently, his face that of a statue, stuck in permanent stony displeasure. By the time she's done with her little speech, his eyes gleam with hatred that he won't bother to disguise.]

Do you think it's as easy as that? [A beat, in which she is not supposed to respond.] People like you make me sick...you think you know what's right for everyone - you think that because you were strong, everyone can be.

Are you even listening? I never said anything like that! [Immediately on the defensive.] I never said I knew all the answers. Besides, what you're saying doesn't even make sense! Why can't someone be strong?

...do you think your sister would want this for you? Maybe I don't have any siblings of my own, but I can't imagine any family member not wanting someone that close to them to not be strong. [Especially not with what little Mithos has told Utena about Martel.] Don't you think she'd want you to be happy, Mithos?

[But in the far part of her mind, something small and nostalgic repeats over and over: "living on, it just makes me sick... living on, it just makes me sick... there's no such thing as something eternal..."]

Shut up! [His reaction is instantaneous, visceral. Because he knows this is not what his sister wanted - but that's why he has to be stronger, why he has to fight for his Cruxis Crystal, why he has to keep pushing everyone away because he doesn't need them and wait for his sister, Kaori, Sayo, to come back to him.]

You don't know anything about me or my sister! You can't just tell someone to be happy, or to not give up, and expect to change anything. Don't make me laugh! [If you can fix something that easily, it was never really broken in the first place.]

Maybe if you would let someone in, it wouldn't just be people telling you to be happy. Have you ever thought of that?!

[She doesn't get it. With Himemiya, it's her insistence on that Rose Bride stuff that makes her shy away from friends. Utena doesn't get that either, but she gets Mithos' attitude even less. Of course you're going to give up and not be happy if you don't even try. Of course Mithos is going to be miserable if he shoves everyone away. She doesn't understand that.]

It's not as if doing nothing will fix anything, either!

[But it's not entirely true that if you can fix something that easily, it was never broken in the first place. Because there's fixing something, and then there's pretending it's fixed, putting on rose tinted glasses to romanticize and childishly make everything better. A story of a prince on a white horse, an eternal memory of first love is much easier to handle than the truth.

"There's no such thing as something eternal."

It's still in the back of her mind, but still too small for her to reach out and grasp.]

Do you expect to change anything with the way you're handling it?

I'm not doing "nothing". [Not anymore. He will make himself stronger. He'll fight until he can finally close his fingers around his Cruxis Crystal, and he can be strong again, and-

And then what will he do? He won't be any closer to Martel, or Kaori, or Sayo. Will his sister be happy with him again? He doesn't know.

He scatters these doubts to the far corners of his mind, refusing to believe that he's doing anything but pushing forward, becoming something better than he was. It's what he's always done, isn't it? He just forgot...]

You're arrogant to think that you understand anything.

And you're not arrogant, thinking you can talk down to people and treat them like they're below you?! [She doesn't accept that.] You're judging others for being human and acting like none of us know anything--how is that any different?!

I don't owe you an explanation. [Mostly because...there isn't one. He was kicked down a few too many times, and he believes - or wants to believe - that is justification enough for anything he does.]

Then maybe you shouldn't do it, if you won't give people an explanation. This isn't even your world! For all you know, there could be people out there willing to give you chances--why throw that away?! [She doesn't understand, Mithos is right about that. She's too childish, too naive to understand the harsh reality of the world. It's why she rejected what truly happened the night she met the prince for something more romantic and innocent. Why she can't remember the truth. Why she can't see eye to eye with Mithos.] All you're doing is running away from the world!

[And so is she.]

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twenty [action]

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