imatreenow | twenty [action]

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twenty [action]

[Almost a week ago Mithos had returned from a mission, the first he'd ever volunteered for. It may have seemed a strange choice for someone who trusted no one, who loathed being a pawn for others, to submit himself as a lab rat for combat testing, but his choices are narrowing around him. There is something he is after. Something he can finally close his fingers around, after watching it all scream past him for so long. If he is going to be used by the Malnosso regardless of his choices, it is better that he gains something from it - which he'd had to remind himself many times to dampen the sour taste sitting in the back of his throat.

Now back in the village, he has resumed the same quiet routine as before. In the early morning, before the sun is too hot in the sky, and before too many villagers are awake, he can be seen hunched over in the garden around House 52. He tries not to wonder if the flowers, planted with the thin hope that his sister might have the chance to enjoy them, amount to anything more than a vain effort. When he decides he needs more supplies, he makes sure to visit the flower shop in the early afternoon - wondering, like a scratch in the back of his mind, if school is still in session at all, or if he'll run into someone he would rather not see at all.

Later in the day, he withdraws to the woods south of the village to train. Four thousand years of fighting are wired inside his muscles, but it doesn't hurt to stay as sharp as possible. He's still getting used to the subtle differences between a proper sword and the knife he now relies on. Slicing the air, going through the motions of killing, he feels like he is building something. When he's done, he settles in against the base of a tree and draws the ancient set of panpipes from his pocket. He usually prefers to play inside, where the music of his sister cannot be heard by prying ears, but surrounded by the forest and his thoughts he can almost forget that people exist. And so the notes come out, clear and steady.]

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[He doesn't think anything of the wind's strength in that moment, eyes still closed as he plays a steady string of notes. This is one of the ways he can feel close to his sister, even when he hasn't seen her in longer than a year, and even though their differences feel cold and sharp wedged between them.

It isn't until he reaches the song's end that he lowers the pipes to his lap and slowly opens his eyes. The wistful expression clouds his features for a lingering moment, until he realizes that he is not alone. Then his eyes sharpen into a glare, and the silence sours.]

[The Spirit remembers that look. Something about those pipes, that song, seemed to subdue it a little. Now though, the focus was on him and Eley realises that he was likely intruding on a rather private, personal moment.

Still, he doesn't falter under that gaze, but keeps watching him for a moment. Daring to come a little closer, he offers a slight bow of his head in apology.]

Forgive my intrusion. I was attracted by the sound of your music. Do you play often?

[He stands, regarding him with wary eyes. Eleytheria may not be a human, but that doesn't mean Mithos trusts him. The spirit is an intruder desecrating a temple right now.]

I don't grant forgiveness. [He'll ignore the suggestions of polite conversation.]

[Hm, something he can't fail to notice. The Spirit bristles a little at those words but he doesn't act on his annoyance. He remembered Mithos not being one for small talk in the first place, but he figured that if he'd already been noticed, he couldn't just remain silent or even slink away. Whetever he'd done to upset him was already done, whether it was his interruption or just the fact he existed in the same space.

Besides he was still curious about him. He'd never come across an individual who seemed so... damaged inside. So cold and hateful of the world.]

Then do not, but still know that I mean you no harm. I am trying to compliment you on your music. The sound of your instrument reminds me of the music of my people, but I have never seen one like it before.

It is the music my sister once played. You are not worthy of listening to it.

[Like so many of the threads tying him to his sister, the simple act of playing her panpipes had twisted into something obsessive, something religious. Something he guarded because it belonged to him. Their relationship may have changed more than he wants to acknowledge, because it hurts to acknowledge, but what hasn't changed is the fact that are bound to each other.]

Then perhaps you should not have played it in a public place. Anyone could have heard it, assuming they were close enough.

If it is that important though, then I will feel honoured to have heard it, even if I should not have done so in the first place.

[He's still trying to show respect to the best of his ability. Mithos may be looking down on him, but Eley is trying to keep an open mind and find out more. Besides, he can tell how important his sister was to him. He hasn't done anything to hurt him outright either... he just wanted to be left alone.

That... still bothered him.]

You are still spending all of your time on your own? Are you not lonely?

[He listens to the little speech in stony silence, letting it float in through one ear and out the other. He does not flinch at the questions - accusations, to his ears - even as his heart recoils with a hollow pang at that word, lonely.]

I don't need anyone here. [But that doesn't change the fact that there are people he misses. It doesn't change the fact that on his own, he wanes away to nothing. But he isn't going to cave in further. He will be strong, strong enough to stand on his own until he no longer has to be alone. He deliriously tries to convince himself of this.]

So you have convinced yourself. But... I know that when someone is suffering, they are more likely to push away the things that they need the most.

[He had run away once himself after all, used his hatred against the humans who had abandoned him. Though as a Spirit it shouldn't have mattered in the first place, Eley had already developed emotions and they affected him. Doing what he did... it had not made him happy.]

What would you do if I stayed here with you?

[His eyes narrow, because he does not want to hear the truth in the spirit's words. There had been others he pushed away, only to learn from their cloying absences that he needed them all along. But that was different: rare exceptions, diamonds hidden in the dirt.] Do not pretend to know me.

If you choose to stay, I cannot guarantee your well-being. [He hesitates to wield violence as freely as he once did, with so many silent eyes policing his actions. He doesn't want to jeopardize the relative freedom he has now - it would jeopardize everything. But perhaps a threat will be enough.]

[A threat then... and one Eley senses would not be idle if he chose to stay here. Yet he was reluctant to leave him still, to let his beliefs win. If Eley left now, wouldn't he just be abandoning him like everyone else did? True, he didn't really know him, but if there was any hope for Mithos, the Spirit was sure he needed someone by his side.

Then again... perhaps even that would not be enough.]

My well-being is already at risk for as long as I stay in Luceti. I do not fear you. If you must force me away then so be it, but I will not willingly leave you when you are so obviously suffering alone.

[I do not fear you. Is that not what he wants? To be accepted rather than feared, understood rather than rejected.

No. No, he wants to be feared. Because he wants people to stay away, because he doesn't want to get hurt, he doesn't want to risk anything, even the slightest bruise. He forces these thoughts through himself. He wants their loudness to drown out the whispers of any thought to the contrary. He wants their strength to drive those incriminating thoughts back to the dark corners where they belong.

He sneers in disgust; heat rises in his voice, replacing the coldness that had been before.]

What can you do to help me? Undo everything I've suffered? Bring back everyone I've lost?

[That sudden heat is unexpected but Eley does his best not to waver when faced with the confrontation. He stalls now though... because he can't bring people back or fix all of his problems. He only wishes he had the power.

Still, he can't stay silent forever.]

I am afraid not. There is only one in my world who could potentially do such a thing and even then I do not believe he would agree to it. Besides, there is no way to contact him from here.

All I have is a power to manipulate the wind and... myself.

[His eyes remain fire-forged steel, pinpointed on the spirit, unimpressed, unmoved.]

So you admit that you're useless. [That's right, nobody here can help him, he already knows all those who can help him and they aren't here anymore and so he has to wait for them to come back and until then he has to help himself he has to he can do this without anybody else--]

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<small[There's a pause before the Spirit shakes his head, his bright eyes meeting those cold ones.]</small>

No, I would not say useless. I cannot say for certain if I can offer what you need, but I feel that however you are feeling right now, there is no sudden cure. It is something that will take time. Something... you will have to be willing to work towards.

<small>[And that was what made this so difficult. Eley might not know all the details about what had happened to Mithos but whatever his problem was it was deep-rooted. There was no sudden cure and nothing he could do immediately to solve things.

He comes closer now though, offering a hand. Others had done it to him before when trying to offer him kindness.]</small>

It is your choice.

[His eyes shoot down to Eleytheria's extended hand, like it's an insult. He does not want him to know that his words have trickled through the roadmap of fractures that pull him apart, but his glare stopped being the cold, detached look he wants it to be a while ago - now, he begins to look more and more like something cornered.

He slaps Eley's hand away.]

I don't need your help.

[The spirit is not trying to tell him that it's simple. He is not asking why he can't turn around and be something that he's not. He acknowledges that it's a struggle.

Not the accusations he's so tired of, but an offer he's ashamed to admit he aches for. Because no matter how fiercely he tries to convince himself that he can be strong, he knows he is not, and every time he tries to harden his heart, it stays the same pulpy, defeated mess. This is the cycle he has stumbled through for thousands of years, trying to be strong, lying to himself until he falls apart, and running away from the debris to try again, never getting any farther.]

Do you really think I'd stoop so low as to turn to anyone here? I can't even stand any of you!

[The rejection hurts. More than it likely should have done, but Eley had faced rejection before, and no matter how close or otherwise he was to someone it still stung all the same.

He also knew that to keep pushing with the way Mithos was reacting might be a step too far. He'd said what he had to say and it really was up to him now. He couldn't force him into a decision, nor would it be healthy for him.

So the Spirit takes a step back now, holding his hand a moment as if he'd just had it bitten and regarding Mithos with a rather sour expression.]

I do not know your past, but from what you have told me you were not above turning to people here before. You convince yourself otherwise, but I still choose not to believe you.

Still, I have done what I can here. I will leave you here, alone, as you so desire.

[And so he walks away.]

They were different. [Said quietly, defiantly, and he doesn't know if his words are heard nor does he think he cares.

He wants to be right. He wants to know that everyone here is a waste of time, a waste of what's left of his heart, so he can bury the doubts that try to draw him toward others. He wants to know that there are none here who he could learn to trust, learn to care about, learn to protect. He doesn't want to give any more of himself away.]

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