imatreenow | twenty [action]

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twenty [action]

[Almost a week ago Mithos had returned from a mission, the first he'd ever volunteered for. It may have seemed a strange choice for someone who trusted no one, who loathed being a pawn for others, to submit himself as a lab rat for combat testing, but his choices are narrowing around him. There is something he is after. Something he can finally close his fingers around, after watching it all scream past him for so long. If he is going to be used by the Malnosso regardless of his choices, it is better that he gains something from it - which he'd had to remind himself many times to dampen the sour taste sitting in the back of his throat.

Now back in the village, he has resumed the same quiet routine as before. In the early morning, before the sun is too hot in the sky, and before too many villagers are awake, he can be seen hunched over in the garden around House 52. He tries not to wonder if the flowers, planted with the thin hope that his sister might have the chance to enjoy them, amount to anything more than a vain effort. When he decides he needs more supplies, he makes sure to visit the flower shop in the early afternoon - wondering, like a scratch in the back of his mind, if school is still in session at all, or if he'll run into someone he would rather not see at all.

Later in the day, he withdraws to the woods south of the village to train. Four thousand years of fighting are wired inside his muscles, but it doesn't hurt to stay as sharp as possible. He's still getting used to the subtle differences between a proper sword and the knife he now relies on. Slicing the air, going through the motions of killing, he feels like he is building something. When he's done, he settles in against the base of a tree and draws the ancient set of panpipes from his pocket. He usually prefers to play inside, where the music of his sister cannot be heard by prying ears, but surrounded by the forest and his thoughts he can almost forget that people exist. And so the notes come out, clear and steady.]

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[What did your sister want though? Even in Henry's gentle voice, the words are sharp enough to slice him into ribbons. Because he doesn't know what she wanted, if not everything he strived for.]

The world stays the same because people do not want to change. As soon as I abandoned any notions to the contrary, I could take matters into my own hands and bring about real change. [Except he had failed there too, hadn't he? Because he had been robbed of everything - his dreams, his sister, his life.]

That's not true. Some people might not want things to change but not everyone's like that.

[Even while Mithos seems to get angrier at him, Henry just continues to stand there both in defiance and his own determination to help this teenager see something. But, what did this guy mean to try and bring about real change?]

What did you try and do?

[His face twists into a smile that is more sad than happy, and he speaks with the loosely restrained eagerness of one disclosing a secret.]

My sister wished for a world free from discrimination. People fear what is different...fear turns to hatred, and hatred turns to widespread discrimination and oppression. Then, to end discrimination means to end the differences between everyone.

I wanted to reduce the entire population to a single race. Elves, humans, and half-elves would no longer exist - everyone would be one, superior race of being. [And Martel had been disappointed, she had been disappointed even though he was doing what was right, even though he tried so hard for so long...]

[Henry just landed into a whole world of creepy, hasn't he?

Because as he listens to Mithos, he can agree with some of what he said. Some people did do that, fear and hate, and become more levels of worse.

But, when he says the last few lines, Henry can't help but be a little disturbed as to 'end the differences between the races.' What did that mean? Probably nothing good.

But, it gave him insight as to why Mithos seemed so closed off to others. With the most hesitant of voice, Henry asks:]

How were you going to make everyone the same?

[His fingers come up to his chest to absently trace where his Cruxis Crystal would have been, should be, before clenching into a fist and falling to his side again.]

With stones called Exspheres. They can transform the body...and the body can transform them in return, to create more powerful stones called Cruxis Crystals.

With a Cruxis Crystal you can push your strength beyond normal limitations. You no longer need food or sleep. You don't have to feel pain anymore - you don't have to feel anything anymore. You can be a god. Everyone can. [His tone has been eerily placid until the end, when the strange quiet started to tear under the strain of a violent sort of desperation.]

[And that's when Henry's face falls into a horrified look. All of that just sounded awful. None of it sounded good and he knows for a fact it never did. One of his books stories being something akin to forgetting about love and pain and all that's left is...]

That sounds worse though! Not feeling anything at all or being able to sleep or eat! You can't just go for a solution that makes you hurt less. It'll lead you to doing bad things. And you'll only hurt yourself more later for it.

[He levels Henry with a glare, eyes gleaming, scowl incredulous.]

What's wrong with not wanting to hurt? [But even he hadn't wanted to give himself up completely - he had chosen death over a lifeless existence. He hadn't wanted to lose his love for his sister. How simple, how easy, how painless, it would be to stop feeling anything, he can't help but wonder sometimes.]

What's wrong with wanting to be strong?

[The glare doesn't go unnoticed, and in fact it makes Henry want to retreat a bit. Though, Henry could feel that there had to be some good in Mithos. He said he loved his sister and loving someone was never something wrong. It was just how Mithos went about it, that what was wrong.]

Nothing's wrong with being strong, but, if you give up everything to become strong you end up losing everything good about yourself.

If you stop hurting...you can't become better for it. And if you know what it's like to hurt, you know how to stop others from feeling the same hurt.

[You know how to stop others from feeling the same hurt. He's pulled back to Kaori, who like him was hated for what she had no say in, and Sayo, who was lonelier than she had let on. They had helped him just by staying by his side, and he had helped them by doing the same. Something so simple, but it had mesmerized him.]

I have nothing left to give up. [And he doesn't know what's good about himself anymore anyway. Because he had disappointed Martel, and he can't do anything for Kaori anymore, he can't do anything.] From where I am, I can only gain. [He can't become any weaker, so he has to become stronger. He has to.]

[And that's when Henry becomes suspicious. What did this guy plan on doing? Hopefully try and move passed all of this sadness in his life, but, Henry can never tell with these types of people. The type where they've just been so broken that they would do anything to hurt others if it meant they would feel better. After all, that thing with the exspheres? Seems pretty reasonable that this kid probably went on a revenge spree when he got one.]

What are you going to do?

Edited 2013-07-15 18:36 (UTC)

Why should I tell you?

I doubt you would understand anyway. [The need to do something, anything, just so he could stop feeling like he was drowning. The need to feel stronger, any way he can, because he's tired of being the weak, crumbling mess he's been reduced to.]

[And there is that sense of unease settling in Henry's stomach. What was this kid planning anyway? Surely not to make everyone lifeless beings here, right? If so, that was a bad idea on Mithos's part for telling him what he did back home. Because Henry could go tell just about anyone and they would more than likely believe him.

As for right now though, Henry would keep trying to get Mithos to talk, to try and help this boy somehow.]

Because, I want to help you not feel like this anymore. I want to help the guy I became friends with that day when he found out what a hamburger was. I'm sure that part of you is still in there somewhere, Mithos. You just need help letting him out again.

Edited 2013-07-16 02:45 (UTC)

[His smirk drops as Henry stirs the past and drags up memories of a time when he was thrilled by the boy's offer of friendship.]

That part of me has been dead for a long time. [Dead and buried. He would never look at the world through such naive eyes ever again. The pieces of himself that he keeps hidden are scared and huddled down small - nothing like the hero he used to be, and closer to breaking than anything he used to hide.]

[Henry obviously doesn't believe it.]

No. I think he's still in there somewhere. He just needs help getting let out again.

You're deluding yourself. Do you really think that if you show me friendship, or whatever it is that you're trying to do, I'll suddenly be able to go back to being who I was before?

[He can't erase the wounds he's been dealt, or the sorrow he's asphyxiated on. There's no going back. Which is why he has to go forward. Not toward forgiveness or anything that could find him contentment - he knows that road is blocked - but toward control.]

No. Not all at once. I know it doesn't work like that. It's hard for people to change but I know it's possible. It's just people need a bit of help to get going first.

You still don't understand anything. [He might be saying this in part just to steel his own convictions - that nobody can help him and he's trapped in the coffin of his circumstances. Because to acknowledge otherwise would crack open the possibility that he could take a step in another direction, something he's afraid to try.]

Is that what I am to you? Something to help, to make you feel good about yourself? [He sneers this accusation, daring Henry to agree with him.]

Maybe I do understand.

[There's a bit of a bite in his words. He wants to believe others can change, that it's possible. But, Mithos's question posed to him does leave him thinking for a moment.

Why was he trying to help him exactly? It wasn't what Mithos had said...no. He has to give it a moment to think why he's bothering at this point.

The thought comes after the moment of pause. He could see some of himself in Mithos. The teenager was alone. Henry had been alone too. People had treated Mithos badly because of something he couldn't control. He had been treated badly because of something he couldn't control. Of course, the difference was why they had been treated badly. Mithos for his race, and Henry for his beliefs.]

It's like I told you when we first met; I know what it's like to be alone.

[Silence settles in as he tries to judge the weight of Henry's words. He wants them to mean nothing, so he can brush them off and let them fall to the ground like dust.]

You've never been alone like this.

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twenty [action]

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