twenty [action]

[imatreenow]

[Almost a week ago Mithos had returned from a mission, the first he'd ever volunteered for. It may have seemed a strange choice for someone who trusted no one, who loathed being a pawn for others, to submit himself as a lab rat for combat testing, but his choices are narrowing around him. There is something he is after. Something he can finally close his fingers around, after watching it all scream past him for so long. If he is going to be used by the Malnosso regardless of his choices, it is better that he gains something from it - which he'd had to remind himself many times to dampen the sour taste sitting in the back of his throat.

Now back in the village, he has resumed the same quiet routine as before. In the early morning, before the sun is too hot in the sky, and before too many villagers are awake, he can be seen hunched over in the garden around House 52. He tries not to wonder if the flowers, planted with the thin hope that his sister might have the chance to enjoy them, amount to anything more than a vain effort. When he decides he needs more supplies, he makes sure to visit the flower shop in the early afternoon - wondering, like a scratch in the back of his mind, if school is still in session at all, or if he'll run into someone he would rather not see at all.

Later in the day, he withdraws to the woods south of the village to train. Four thousand years of fighting are wired inside his muscles, but it doesn't hurt to stay as sharp as possible. He's still getting used to the subtle differences between a proper sword and the knife he now relies on. Slicing the air, going through the motions of killing, he feels like he is building something. When he's done, he settles in against the base of a tree and draws the ancient set of panpipes from his pocket. He usually prefers to play inside, where the music of his sister cannot be heard by prying ears, but surrounded by the forest and his thoughts he can almost forget that people exist. And so the notes come out, clear and steady.]

Comments

[savedtheworld]

[His composure is broken by a wince. He feels that coldness, right down to his bones. Aang knows what it's like in a way - he has his times when he wants to isolate himself and speak only with those who are long gone. But those are only moments, which pass. Which leave Aang ready to seek out his friends again. But Mithos doesn't have that second part.]

I- I know. You must not play that music... for anyone, anymore.

[imatreenow]

[In his determination to find the worst in everyone, he mistakes the sympathy behind Aang's words for mocking. Like he needs to be reminded of everything he does not have.]

You're wrong. I play for them, but they can't hear it.

[savedtheworld]

I'm sorry. I just meant that it's something that's private to you. I know what it's like... to try to reach out to those who aren't here with us. [Ever since he lost his own people.]

[imatreenow]

[He finally stands up, letting Aang's attempts to reach out to him sour in the stretch of silence.]

Is that supposed to mean something to me? [When Aang couldn't possibly grasp what it really means to miss someone, to have no one - he's too happy, too complete, too untarnished. A state Mithos can't trust.]

[savedtheworld]

Yeah. That... [He tries to stand his ground before Mithos's looming presence.] You're not alone. [He's lost almost everyone he used to know, and he misses them dearly. But that helps him to value his current friends even more.]

[imatreenow]

[You could have fooled me. He almost wants to say it, but he doesn't.]

No, I'm not. [Yes, I am.] My sister may not be here, but that doesn't mean I am without her. [He doesn't believe that. Not fully. He feels lost without her, and he would feel lost even with her; playing her music can only bring him so close. There are others he misses, others he needs and can't reach.]

[savedtheworld]

That's not what I meant. [He says with a patient breath. He wonders if it's wise to try to reason with Mithos - or really worth it at all.

But he remembers that boy he played in the snow with. He's more than worth this trouble.]

I know, too, what loss is. I know that there are ways that the people we love can never leave us. Their love stays with us in our hearts, after all. And... It helps to give birth to new love. Because... Finding other people is the best way to help to bear with that pain.

[imatreenow]

Most people are not worth being found. I'm better off having nothing to do with any of them. [He doesn't let his mind wander over those who had reached a hand out to him in this place, and continued to stretch out to try to take hold of his hand. He doesn't let himself wonder the startling what-ifs.

He knows he is right, and that's all there is.]

[savedtheworld]

But you didn't always think that, Mithos.

[imatreenow]

It doesn't matter what I used to believe. [There is a sharp insistence behind the words, as if he can press them into Aang.]

[savedtheworld]

[His spirit's unbendable. He can't let Mithos's ideals press into him - but the fact that he tries is hurtful.]

Not even a little?

[imatreenow]

You're persistent, aren't you?

Answer me this...what did my beliefs ever bring me? [His sister was killed. He wasted years spiraling downward into maddening despair, trying to build her a world she didn't even want.] I should have let those foolish humans continue their war and deplete the world of all its mana.

[savedtheworld]

You shouldn't have. You.. you saved people, Mithos. Innocent people. And that you I met, he knew that. It's true that... there were still bad people, who did terrible things. But that's not everyone.

[imatreenow]

Don't you think it would have been much simpler if the world had just collapsed on itself back then? All races would have perished, on equal footing at last. No one would have to suffer anymore. [His voice is eerily even, as if discussing something as trivial as the weather. He doesn't expect Aang to agree, of course. Perhaps he's just reverting to shock tactics, to illuminate the chasm that separates them.]

[savedtheworld]

[He shouldn't be talking to Mithos. He knows he shouldn't be. Raine had warned him not to. But he needed to find that boy again... and perhaps in addition to that, he remembered that he had spared even the Fire Lord's life. He didn't want to leave anyone behind, no matter how far gone they seemed to be.

But this latest statement, Mitho's stillness, it ran a chill down Aang's spine. He couldn't articulate a proper response - instead muttering fearfully.]

No... N-no, Mithos. No...

[imatreenow]

Why not? [At least the venom bite is back in his words, filling the wide tundra that had been there before.]

You have no idea what I went through after my sister's death...what it felt like to fail to resurrect her over and over again...to come so close to achieving everything I'd dreamed of only to have it ripped away from me! And then finding out that-- [Martel hadn't wanted any of it to begin with. He stops himself, wanting to hold that shameful secret as close to himself as possible.]

[savedtheworld]

[Aang feels almost physically sick, hearing about that. Because Raine told him about the sacrifices - all those resurrections being the ends of poor girls' lives. He can barely take it. And he utters back.]

You had to let her go. [It sounds like The Guru's words - so hauntingly familiar. And perhaps in a way Aang can see now, that this is what he was being warned against. Aang had been able to hold onto his attachment to Katara and bring the world towards balance. But this mirror of Mithos showed how it could have gone wrong, horribly wrong, if that attachment were to spiral out of healthiness and rule over him. And make him into a sad god, trying to recreate the same girl over and over again. Because what did the rest of the world matter when she was his world?

He moves hand over his stomach to stop from heaving at the thought]

Because all life is precious. And that makes all life irreplaceable.

[imatreenow]

[I need you to understand that you need to let me go. Martel's words from years ago shatter across his mind - and he still hasn't absorbed their message. Because how can he let her go, when her death won't let him go? After all this time it is still a bony claw tightened around his throat.]

Don't you understand? That's why I had to bring her back to my side! I tried as hard as I could for as long as I could, because I needed her.

Do you know why Lloyd had to kill me? Because I refused to back down - because I would rather be dead than live in a world where I know I'll never see my sister again!

[savedtheworld]

Mithos...

[He says quietly, stepping back at the fury of his outburst.]

You couldn't bring her back through other people. But... but your life shouldn't end, either.

[imatreenow]

That is nobody's decision to make but mine.

[savedtheworld]

That's one thing you're right about.

[He says with a nod, and then he unfurls his staff into glider form.]

I'll leave you alone.