is it a sin to be weak hearted?

( previously in the life of Mithos, introspection, sadness, etc. )

[In the afternoon, he opens his journal for the first time since he fled from the village. In the emptiness left by a chain of disappearances, the questions that have rung dissonantly in his ears for more than a year seem more urgent than ever. He's turned these questions over and over in his mind and found no answers. He's touched on some of the barbed facets, but backed out before too many ugly implications could gleam.

With no one to confide in, he's desperate enough, unhinged from himself enough, to resort to the general masses, although he doubts they have anything worthwhile to say. Maybe he just wants to argue to have something to do that isn't mourning, obsessing, wishing. Before he starts writing, he'll block the journal's camera to black out his image.]

[WRITTEN - ANONYMOUS]

Happiness. What does it mean to you? How would you define it?

What if something you thought would make you happy doesn't? What if the things that will make you happy turn out to be impossibilities? [He pauses. His pen lingers over the next thought for a few moments.]

When is it no longer worth it?

[ACTION???]

[Should anyone for any reason find themselves at the base of the mountains stretching above the farmlands, they might run into an elusive WILD MITHOS as he travels to the stream at regular intervals to collect water. Or maybe they stumble across his Mithos cave, drawn in by the smoky smell of burning wood. Maybe he isn't even there when they come by, and boy, will they regret stopping to poke around.]

[EDIT: I really want to apologize for my glacial tagging speed, even though I've already done so a few times. School is really busy and stressful so 1. I have little time to tag and 2. when I do have time, I have no energy and my brain is one big fart. I hope you can all be patient with me...things should be a little better in about 2 weeks (November 21st ish)!]

[Mid-morning is drawing near, and the house is too quiet. Martel should have been awake already. Despite the uncertainty that has settled heavily between him and his sister, there are plenty of things Mithos does still know about her, and this is definitely out of the ordinary. Softly, he knocks at her door. No reply. With a knot of worry tightening in his stomach, he carefully pushes the door open to look inside and...

He's greeted by an empty room. No sister, none of her personal possessions. No sign that anyone had ever occupied this space. Only one conclusion sits at the end of this equation. Numbness overtakes his body and heart. Desperate, his mind fights against the truth; he runs for his journal and hastily, shakily, flips it open.]

[VOICE - filtered to Martel | filter VOIDED]

Martel? Martel! Where are--

[--He stops. The filter isn't working. She can't hear this. His journal falls from his hands and the feed ends. The chilling realization that she's gone pierces him as suddenly as the first time she was taken from him. Classic vertigo. He doesn't know how to breathe properly. He forgets how to stand on two feet and slowly crumples to the floor. He doesn't fall to pieces; that would imply that there's something left to break. Whatever remains is quickly grinding to dust. He lets it out, the pain that's rapidly smothering him from the inside. But no matter how much he diffuses, there's still more to take its place.]

[ACTION - AFTERNOON]

[He's scraped himself up off the floor (for now) and run out of tears (for now), and he needs someone to blame. Anyone. He doesn't care. The only truth of the world: Martel is gone, and he deserves compensation for his loss. Everyone owes him something, and he owes them retribution. Mithos prowls the village, looking for any and all opportunities to inflict some of his own pain on a scapegoat.

Later, when he's exhausted his body but his hurt and rage continue to burn, when he's hit the point where he can't feel any emptier, he reaches for the journal again. It's all he can think to do.]

[VOICE - filtered to Kaori| 100%]

...Can I come see you?

[ooc: For my own sake, chronologically the threads flow as follows: Frey, Nephry/Dist, Jeb, Silver, Grune/Dhaos, Kratos, Kaori.]