imatreenow | ✘ appointments

[He doesn't understand where the promise comes in, or why that makes him her brother...something as special to Mithos as the bond between siblings... It doesn't make sense. More and more, a pit of uncertainty opens up inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole.]

But he's still a human...

[turn back turn back turn back...] You...would trust him, because of that?

... Not necessarily because of that. [Not for that reason alone, but it had definitely been a start. That man had never made denying that damned kindness easy, and there was such optimism in him that she had never felt prior to Luceti. As far as she could remember, the people in her life that she could remember had never been capable of it to such a degree. How could she not be drawn to him?]

He's been kind... [And though she doesn't realize it just yet, there are several tears running down her face now.

[He draws in a shaky breath. Then that means...that means...] ...So...you do trust him...

[it's not accusatory. ...okay, maybe a little accusatory. But mostly, he's just lost. Doesn't she understand? She's supposed to, after everything they've shared...the painful memories and the warm moments where he remembered what it was like to have a friend... He silently shakes his head in disbelief, even knowing that she won't see it.]

[He's right in that she can't see him shaking his head, even though she's doing the same thing. Except her disbelief was toward herself, in what she is doing right now to Mithos, for Kaori has also felt that dreaded feeling of betrayal.

She knows for a fact that it's what she is doing to him now.] I don't know why...

[That's enough of an answer. She trusts Freyjadour. She trusts a human. ...She isn't as alone as he is. She has others, while he (severed from Martel and uncertain about Sayo) only truly has her.

He needs her more than she needs him.

He is expendable.

And she could drop him at any moment.

His mind flies through the calculations, and his heart flies into panic. Lockdown mode. Withdraw into its shell and assume fetal position before anything can hit. He's seen this play out before; he isn't going to wait around to watch it again.]

...I thought you understood.

... You think I don't? [That hurts so much to hear when their whole friendship seems to be based off of the belief that they understood each other. She could feel his pain, after all, when they were together. While she may not know everything she would like to about Mithos just yet, what they have shared with each other was all too familiar, and all the more precious because of it.

What had she just broken?]

Humans cannot be trusted, and they can never be forgiven... [maybe it's hypocritical to fault her for trusting a human when he himself is relying on one right now...but that's different. It's just different, because he's terrified of opening up to her even just a crack. He just has no other choice...]

If you understood, you wouldn't let a filthy human anywhere near you. [His heart is breaking underneath his own words. He knows the feeling too well. If she understood... There's nothing full about if - it's an empty hope.]

[It's not like she wanted them to come near her in the first place – she could still recall those first few weeks of being trapped in this village, how she detested having to ask information of Humans when for the last few years she had had minimal contact with them. Any of them could try to take advantage of her, none of them could know her name or where she lived. But then that wretched Shift happened, the one where she had been forced to see the world through the eyes of the child she used to be, wide-eyed with petty ideals who knew no better.

She couldn't turn away those people who had shown her kindness at that time, she needed them. Quiet degradations run through her mind, echoing just how weak she was for daring to allow it to happen.

But Seirou had said... was the ability to see again worth all this pain? This question, coupled with Mithos' statement, is enough to render her mute and unable to come up with a proper reply to him amidst her confusion.]

[...nothing more to say.]

...There's no need for you to come see me. I...just want to be alone. [Cold and detached. No emotion, no remorse. Like he doesn't care. Like he never cared.

He knows it isn't true.

It's so far from the truth it hurts. Even though he should just cut ties as swiftly and sharply as possible, his heart clings to the whole idea of her. The person who understands and soothes and knows. It was too good to be true, wasn't it...

He hesitates to close his journal. Waiting for something, anything...]

Mithos? [Already her fear is seeping into her voice while she struggles to stay upright and grab hold of something, anything to make him stay. This couldn't be happening again, no no no no it wasn't happening again. Mithos could not join the ranks of all those who had abandoned her when they were done with whatever uses they had for her, when all was left was to pity her and the pathetic being she was.

It was going to continue so long as she hated Humans. That was what Seirou said.

Seirou, why?

Don't go.]

I-I want to see you. [She would beg as much as he wanted, if it meant she could still have him as her precious friend. Irreplaceable, the only one who has ever understood what it felt like to be afraid and unable to stand the weakness of her heart. Her friend.] Please.

[He can hear the hurt, the fear, the unfurling desperation. The dull ache thudding through his heart spreads outward. He had never wanted to hurt her. But...

She hurt him first. And she could only hurt him more.

He can't respond, because he fears that he won't be able to keep all the pain out of his voice. The heavy, damp sounds of breaking. He has to close the journal, before he crumbles apart completely.

Transmission over. The end. Hunched over, making himself as small as he can, he buries his face in his hands. He doesn't want to think or feel right now.]

✘ appointments

[still November 5th, for reference]

[still November 5th, huzzah~]

[still November 5th, more like sobbing]

[still November 5th, all the crai]

[still November 5th, EXPLOSIVE tears] 1/2

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