imatreenow | ✘ appointments

[Martel was back. And regardless of whatever selfishness Sayo had scraped up within her, one thing was sure—she was undeniably happy that she'd returned. Mithos is happy. His sister is here. Of course, she had half-prepared herself weeks prior to this possibility.

He couldn't stay forever, Sayo. You knew this.

She smiles softly to herself, tying the knot atop a boxy frame in the kitchen. Lunch. She's... going to miss making three plates; when Mithos returns to the room, Martel still away--putting things away more than likely--

she turns and smiles, masking the bittersweetness of it like she was so criminally good at.]

Everything almost ready, Mithos?

[She doesn't motion to the lunches tied on the counter. Just two of them. But her hand rests gently on one as she speaks, sounding content with herself.]

Your leg isn't bothering you, is it? I know you've been moving around a lot this morning...

[Martel wouldn't let him help too much with packing up, constantly fretting about his leg. And he didn't protest too much, because he will never be too old to appreciate being taken care of by her. It also gave him the opportunity to spend his last moments with Sayo alone. Having both of them in the same apartment was strange enough, never mind in the same room. Two worlds that should never touch - family, and... Well, he still isn't sure what to think of Sayo. The human who broke all the rules to become the exception.

Mithos knew he would leave some day. He just didn't know that day would come so soon. Of course he's happy to have Martel by his side again. Happier than he had been, anyway, because he can't help but think that he still doesn't remember what 'happy' really feels like. But...he doesn't know. Something about the idea of leaving Sayo behind...]

Almost... [she doesn't have to gesture to them - he's already spotted the lunches. A quiet pang somewhere deep inside. Bittersweetness must be catching.]

My leg is fine. [even after the time they've spent together, he still can't branch out beyond simple replies to her questions. Something still holds him back from letting go and being himself. Old habits die hard.]

[ (Continued from here~)]

It's true. I... got really careless, and Freyjadour was kind enough to... let me be around anyway. He didn't want me to die. [There was a hint of awe and disbelief in her voice despite her efforts to hide it. She had been under the impression that she would never again come to like Humans for all the treacherous things they had done, but here was this man who continued to prove that he wasn't like the other Humans of her world. That, in addition to the kindness of the other people while she was a small child.

She couldn't lie to them, Mithos, or even herself. She would never be able to.]

[He doesn't understand where the promise comes in, or why that makes him her brother...something as special to Mithos as the bond between siblings... It doesn't make sense. More and more, a pit of uncertainty opens up inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole.]

But he's still a human...

[turn back turn back turn back...] You...would trust him, because of that?

... Not necessarily because of that. [Not for that reason alone, but it had definitely been a start. That man had never made denying that damned kindness easy, and there was such optimism in him that she had never felt prior to Luceti. As far as she could remember, the people in her life that she could remember had never been capable of it to such a degree. How could she not be drawn to him?]

He's been kind... [And though she doesn't realize it just yet, there are several tears running down her face now.

[He draws in a shaky breath. Then that means...that means...] ...So...you do trust him...

[it's not accusatory. ...okay, maybe a little accusatory. But mostly, he's just lost. Doesn't she understand? She's supposed to, after everything they've shared...the painful memories and the warm moments where he remembered what it was like to have a friend... He silently shakes his head in disbelief, even knowing that she won't see it.]

[He's right in that she can't see him shaking his head, even though she's doing the same thing. Except her disbelief was toward herself, in what she is doing right now to Mithos, for Kaori has also felt that dreaded feeling of betrayal.

She knows for a fact that it's what she is doing to him now.] I don't know why...

Oh, good, good.

[... Right! Everything'll be okay.

She motions to the lunches as she steps away from the counter, smiling a little.]

I made you two a lunch, for when you get home. Just a little something for the road. I hope Martel likes it! I wasn't sure what her favorite sorts of foods were, so I made a few different things...

[Her voice trembles just a little, and she's quiet for a moment.]

[After a beat, she bows a little, looking at the ground.]

Thank you for keeping me company.

[She wipes at the corner of her eye; definitely not crying. Not at all.]

I'm... going to miss having you here.

[That's enough of an answer. She trusts Freyjadour. She trusts a human. ...She isn't as alone as he is. She has others, while he (severed from Martel and uncertain about Sayo) only truly has her.

He needs her more than she needs him.

He is expendable.

And she could drop him at any moment.

His mind flies through the calculations, and his heart flies into panic. Lockdown mode. Withdraw into its shell and assume fetal position before anything can hit. He's seen this play out before; he isn't going to wait around to watch it again.]

...I thought you understood.

[...She would be left all alone. That is where the scraping feeling at the back of his heart comes from. He can identify all too readily with loneliness. The emptiness of thinking that there is nobody who will listen to you or care about your problems. He even remembers the agreement they made, before he ever came to live here, when she had no idea who she was writing to: we'll listen to each other.

It hasn't been broken. In the few months he's spent here, he's listened and watched, breaking out of his own shell for a few moments at a time to peer into hers. He just never said anything. He's still afraid of the barrier between human and not-quite-human that has been grafted into his brain, still unsure of how to breach it. Every step he takes is small, hesitant.

But he's taking them, one at a time.]

...Thank you. [because he's never said so to her before. It's all he can manage right now, but two words can speak volumes. Thank you for finding me that day, for picking me up and brushing me off. Thank you for giving me somewhere to stay, where I could be safe. Thank you for feeding me. For asking me how my day was. For somehow caring about me even though I'm different from you.]

[The withheld tears finally dribble down, and she turns herself, trying to keep them out of sight, even if it was a little too late for such a thing—it wouldn't be right, crying over something like this. She feels so selfish to think like that, but...]

A-ah, I—

Sorry, silly old me, always getting emotional--

[She turns, mouth trembling, but a determined look to her.]

If you—you or Martel-san ever need anything at all, anything, I want you to know that I'll be here for you! Because...

Even if it's strange, you're part of my family here in Luceti. Nothing can change that for me, even if I lose every memory in my head. You're always welcome here.

[He's stuck in his same old ways enough to be surprised by how much this goodbye seems to be affecting her. The question of why still buzzes around his head. Why are you so different from every other human?

Family. That experiment, from months ago. It stretches beyond that, though, and he's beginning to see just how far. He looks away.]

...I still don't understand. Why you would ever care about me, when you're a human... [but he's...happy that she does. Except he can't put that part into words, and he trails off into silence.]

[She laughs a little, softly, wiping her eye.]

Well, that's just how it is, isn't it? Humans can be really weird creatures, right?

[And then, in a gentler tone,]

Even so, there are plenty of reasons to care about someone like you, Mithos. You're a special, irreplaceable person.

[He tries to absorb her words. Special, irreplaceable. The world had treated him as anything but, even after he had done everything he could to save it from the brink of destruction. Mithos the Hero who ended the war was celebrated; Mithos the half-elf who wanted to be accepted was despised.

He looks at her, his voice tentative.]

...Even though I've hurt you in the past? [Does he regret his actions? It was what had to be done at the time... He doesn't think he can be blamed for self-preservation in the face of the unknown, and he isn't at fault for the violent emotions that grip him and drag him along. But...he does feel bad now, that she got hurt.]

Mmm...

Sometimes, people hurt each other, for different reasons: family, friends, people you don't really know—they can hurt you, or you them, whether accidental or intentional.

What you've done in the past, though... it doesn't matter to me. I forgave it a long time ago. You just did... what you've learned to do. I can't hate you for that, not at all.

... You think I don't? [That hurts so much to hear when their whole friendship seems to be based off of the belief that they understood each other. She could feel his pain, after all, when they were together. While she may not know everything she would like to about Mithos just yet, what they have shared with each other was all too familiar, and all the more precious because of it.

What had she just broken?]

Humans cannot be trusted, and they can never be forgiven... [maybe it's hypocritical to fault her for trusting a human when he himself is relying on one right now...but that's different. It's just different, because he's terrified of opening up to her even just a crack. He just has no other choice...]

If you understood, you wouldn't let a filthy human anywhere near you. [His heart is breaking underneath his own words. He knows the feeling too well. If she understood... There's nothing full about if - it's an empty hope.]

Forgiveness is another thing I cannot understand... [Sometimes, he wishes he could... But he's drifted along for this long, hating every human he possibly can, regardless of whether they were even alive when his sister was killed, or even if they don't originate from the same world. If he hasn't learned forgiveness by now, he never will.

...Ah, he may as well take a seat while he waits. He fixes his eyes straight ahead, rather than looking at her.]

Most have faulted me for thinking the way I do.

[She sits down, too, across from him. Maybe because it may be the last time she can, in a house, like this. She's not sure, anymore.]

Forgiveness can be a very powerful thing. Sometimes, it makes a lot of difference, and sometimes, it's for some sort of piece of mind... But it's not something a person has to offer anyone. That's entirely up to them. It's the person who was hurt's right, and theirs alone.

[She leans back.]

You've had a hard life, I imagine. I can't fault you at all for how you feel.

...

[A pause.]

The... truth is, I also want to forgive as often as I can in the hopes that... the people from home may one day forgive me.

Edited 2012-01-25 07:40 (UTC)

[And just like that, she absolves him of everything. Her view of the world is completely different from his, but she doesn't deny that his is valid. She doesn't blame him for the weakness pooled in his heart. He had always thought that no one could possibly understand unless they had been through the same, but...

Now she's right in his line of vision, but he doesn't look away.]

...Forgive you of what? [this is part incredulity, part curiosity. The question is out before he can stop himself.]

[She clenches the sleeve of her kimono.]

Of forgetting them... even though they'd all been there for me. For not being able to save those precious memories, of my mother and father... of who may have been in my life... of my husband...

I hope that someday, I can earn forgiveness for that.

[She knows it was out of her control. But... But to forget people who have safeguarded you for so long... The man and woman who created her, or the man who helped bring Kaji into the world, or the sibling or uncle or aunt she never realized she had.

She wishes she could fix it all, even if wishing didn't mean much.]

[She laughs--the sheepish kind of laugh that feels unnatural, but can't be helped.]

But all that's sort of depressing, isn't it? I'll just have to see where life takes me when I return home someday, I suppose. Until then, I've been trying to keep my life here as good as I can make it...

And remember as many people as I can!

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