eighteen [action]

[imatreenow]

[Friday afternoon finds Mithos dragging a granite statue through the streets of Luceti. It will look familiar to those who can claim Aselia as their home world, carved adoringly in the likeness of a young man wielding dual swords. The figure is planted atop a base that bears a plaque engraved with the simple honor, "The Hero Lloyd Irving." All together, it stands at about three and a half feet, scaled down from the original model.

For Mithos, it's a bitter reminder of things that could never have been. Its sudden appearance in his house had been an elbow nudging him sharply in the ribs, an obnoxious stage whisper prompting, "Hey, remember that time all your hopes and dreams were crushed?"

Yes, yes he remembers.

Which is why he had to get rid of it. The first day, he dragged the statue behind the house, let it topple into the river, and watched the determined stony face sink below the surface. The next morning, it found its way back to his living room. Each day, he drags it farther away, and each morning it proudly comes back.

His route today takes him up from the south end of the village through the north end and into the woods. The farther away, the better.]

Comments

[imatreenow]

[His glare is ice, frigid and sharp, as he wills Jeb to cower and bend and break, to prove to him that he's nothing. He has no pull. He has nothing he can give Mithos, nothing he can do for him.] You seem to have forgotten that I want to get rid of you too.

[sketchingideals]

I haven't forgotten. [Still standing his ground.] Do you really want solitude like this, Mithos?

[imatreenow]

[And suddenly he's transported back to his doorstep on Christmas morning, cold and aching and willing himself not to crumble to dust. He forgets to glare for a sliver of a moment. Then it returns, harder.] What has that got to do with anything?

[sketchingideals]

If you're in solitude, you have to do everything by yourself. [Perhaps a bit of an obvious statement, too obvious of one even, but...]

[imatreenow]

Keep your useless wisdom to yourself. [He knows too well what it's like to walk alone, to sit alone at the table and remember a time not long ago when he ate every breakfast and dinner with Sayo. He knows how it feels to cry by himself and cling to himself and talk to no one but himself and the aching memories of the people he loves.]

[sketchingideals]

I never said it was wisdom... [He sighs.] But I don't see how this could be something you want.

[imatreenow]

...It isn't. I never wanted any of this. [He regrets it as soon as he says it. Jeb has already seen too closely the spiderweb of cracks fracturing him - he doesn't need to be shown again.]

[sketchingideals]

Mithos... [He takes another step forward, but it's a small one. Hesitant.] If... if it's not something you want, then you shouldn't have to settle for it!

[imatreenow]

[He doesn't want to have this conversation. He doesn't want to be outside anymore, he just wants to lock himself away and hide like he always does. Hastily, he begins tugging at the statue again, willing it to budge.] What other choice do I have?

[sketchingideals]

I don't want you to have to settle for it, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way! [Because he knows Mithos doesn't trust him, so there's no point in offering himself.] If someone's willing to be with you, doesn't that mean there's another choice? Some of them even hate what they've had to go through because of what they were born as, I bet...

[The way Jeb says that definitely indicates that he's talking about himself, and he regrets saying it a little. But Jeb does dislike being an elemental, being a reincarnation of Terare of Earth. Tori and Michiru were hurt because of the connection he and his siblings share with the ancient elemental... and beyond that, no one he cares about can know peace because of it.]

[imatreenow]

You don't get it, do you? [And while part of him is self-destructively grateful for that wall of defense that separates him from Jeb, there's another part tucked away inside that echoes with a profound sadness for this.]

There isn't another choice, because I'm-- [too afraid to make it. Too weak. Too breakable. Too intimidated by the unknown, and too robbed of trust to chance it. He pulls at the statue while he frantically searches for something he can actually say to Jeb.] Because I am what I am.

[sketchingideals]

[Something inside snaps. Why should Mithos be limited because of what he is, when--]

How many people here care about what you are, Mithos?! How many would give you a chance anyway?!

[Because it can't be just him. A few months back, someone else had helped Mithos when he needed it, right?]

[imatreenow]

[I don't know. No matter how many times people have told him that it doesn't matter - Jeb, and Freyjadour, and Silver, and others - he can't wrap his fingers around it. No matter how badly he might want to believe it, he can't.]

Maybe I don't want to give any of them a chance! [A chance to show him how foolish he is to trust them, a chance to break him into smaller pieces. A chance to...he doesn't even know what.]

[sketchingideals]

...I'm sorry Mithos, but I don't believe that.

[The words come out without Jeb even having to think too much about them. Jeb's seem too much of Mithos to even consider that a real possibility. Even with his own insecurities, he knows that's a lie. That Mithos is probably just trying to protect himself.]

[imatreenow]

...You don’t have to. It doesn’t matter what you believe.

[Nothing matters. Everything is the matter, and nothing matters, because nothing can help him put it all back together. The pieces are small and fractured. Some are buried, and some are gone and will never be found again. Who would even care enough to sit with him and sift through the mess?]

[sketchingideals]

Then please... don't think I will. I'm not trying to boss you around, but I could never believe that. Not now.

[He's digging a deeper hole for himself. The worst part is that he's completely aware of it.]

[imatreenow]

[He needs to get out of this conversation. He isn't ready to accept that from Jeb, and he doubts he'll ever be ready, so he veers away like he always does.]

Tell me this: how do you know Lloyd?

[sketchingideals]

[He lets Mithos veer away, for now.]

Um... well, he showed up here once, and we talked a couple of times. I didn't know him that well, but he didn't seem like a bad person. Why do you ask?

[imatreenow]

Was he someone you wanted to be friends with? [Friends - he spits the word out like it has a sour taste.]

[sketchingideals]

[This conversation is making him uncomfortable.]

...why are you asking? [...] W-What I mean is, you've never seemed to be interested in that kind of thing before.

[imatreenow]

Answer the question. [His voice is steel - hard, cold, glinting dangerously.]

[sketchingideals]

...I wanted to get to know him better, at the very least. [He's rubbing his arm now.] Is there a reason why I should or shouldn't?

[imatreenow]

I don't care what you do. [Choose Lloyd, see if he cares, just choose Lloyd.]

You would fit in with his little group, with your idiotic ideals, believing the world is this wonderful place it never has been and never will be. [Farther away, push him farther, you don't feel sorry, you don't care, he doesn't care what you do, he's safe now.] If you're on his side, then know that you are against me.

[sketchingideals]

[He's extremely shocked. For a few moments, he doesn't even say anything. And then, quietly, as if experiencing extreme sorrow:] ...why is it a matter of sides? Why does it matter? I don't want to be against you.

[imatreenow]

[As Jeb's voice shrinks, his grows.] Neutrality is a lie. [In remaining neutral in a system of injustice, you have chosen the side of injustice; in choosing both sides in an argument, you have committed to neither. Me or him, me or him who would you pick?]

Because of Lloyd, I lost everything. [Or had he already lost everything, because Martel didn't agree with him she didn't approve of what he did she didn't understand?] It's because of him that I have no world to return to.