imatreenow | ✘ appointments

Where... do you think we could see the stars best?

[...why did he ask that? Then he remembers... over a year ago, he and Mithos agreed to see the stars together. That was when they thought they were... his heart skips a beat, remembering what happened this year, too. Oh dear...]

The stars? [He pauses to think. He hasn't been here long, but he's fallen into the habit of exploring the woods around the village, so...] Do you know the hill north of the village? Cherry trees grow there. [It would be difficult to tell in the winter, but maybe Jeb knows of the area.]

Yes, I know where you're talking about. I've done a few drawings there. Should... that be where we meet, then?

Yes...I'll try to be there as soon as I can.

Thank you, Mithos.

[He closes his journal and quickly gets dressed, making sure he gives Marie a good pat on the head before he quietly slips out of his apartment and makes his way to the agreed destination.]

[Mithos will be there by the time Jeb arrives, waiting at the crest of the hill. In the hazy confusion of being contacted so suddenly in the middle of the night, he had been focused only on helping his new friend, and he had forgotten that they hadn't spoken since everything that happened at the hot springs. Those details, embarrassing and confusing, had slowly trickled back as he dressed himself. Now...he isn't sure how to address that, or if it should be addressed at all.

But he waves when he sees Jeb approach, and he calls out quietly.] Over here!

[When Mithos calls out to him, Jeb thinks about his recollection of events from the hot springs again. This time the memories are more strong, and his cheeks redden slightly. But he smiles, rushing over to his friend.] Did I keep you waiting...?

[He shakes his head.] Not at all. [Now that his friend has joined him, he finds a seat in the grass and motions for Jeb to join him. His eyes drift upward.] It's a little cloudy, but you can still see the stars in between the clouds.

[He's quick to sit next to Mithos and get a look at the stars himself.] Wow... you really can. They're really nice tonight too, despite the clouds.

Do you watch the stars a lot, Jeb? [He wonders why Jeb wanted to meet him... He had said something about a bad dream, right? Does he just want to distract himself? And...he thought of him first?]

Yes, but not as much as I did back home. My friend Elise loves stargazing, so I'd take her out sometimes with her older sister to do that.

[Tori, Elise and Jeb have always been tight-knit. Elise had been so happy when she found out that he and Tori were dating, too.]

Are the stars here the same as they are back home for you? I've been wondering that, but I guess I haven't looked at the stars enough to know.

I think they're a little bit different, but I can't quite tell... [He focuses on them a little more, trying to figure it out.]

[He falls into silence, absorbed by the tiny pinpoints of light sprinkling the swaths of the sky that can be seen through the clouds. If Jeb wants to talk, he'll let him, but if he wants silence, he'll allow that too. He isn't sure which will be better for his friend.]

[Eventually, Jeb breaks the silence.]

Right before I was brought back to Luceti, two of the people closest to me got really hurt trying to protect me and my twin siblings. [His voice is slightly shaky.]

[He looks to his friend, his expression one of wanting to help in the face of helplessness.] Is...is that what your dream was about?

[He nods.]

Yes. I've had those dreams a lot since I've come back. I... I feel like I've just been such a burden on my housemate with them, because I've been going to him. I-I just...

That sounds awful... [Having to relive such dark memories over and over again.] I've had nightmares befre, about things that have happened to me and my sister, but...only sometimes.

[And lately, he's had nightmares about his other self, the one he could (will?) become...]

I'm sorry you've had to experience those kind of nightmares, too. [His voice is only getting shakier.] If I had just been stronger, they wouldn't have had to save me... they shouldn't have been hurt on my account! I don't even know if my siblings were successfully protected too!

[And if they weren't--no. No, he doesn't want to think like that. But it's already so unfair. Why did it have to be him who came out unharmed?]

Jeb... [He doesn't know what he can say to help him, to take away some of the hurt.] If they were protecting you, because they love you, then...I don't think they would blame you. They wanted to make sure you were safe.

People keep telling me that. I keep telling myself that, but I... [He looks to Mithos.] I can't stop the guilty feelings from coming back. I almost wish it had been me, even though I know they would be angry with me for even considering that kind of wish.

It wasn't your fault, Jeb. It isn't right to think that way, to think that you should have been hurt. [But feeling guilty... Doesn't he feel guilty for everything about the other version of himself? Even if it isn't his fault, not yet, he still feels horrible, sick deep down in his stomach, about the person he could become.]

[Jeb flinches a little when Mithos stresses "fault." But it's not the word that makes Jeb flinch, it's the fact that Mithos stressed it in the first place. Jeb hates himself for reacting that way. It's not fair to Mithos...]

I know it isn't, but I... I can't help it. I... [Don't like myself.]

Then don't say things like that! [He's a little surprised by how strong his reaction is, but...he doesn't want to think about Jeb getting hurt. He wishes he was better at this - he wishes he knew what words to say to help him feel better.]

[He flinches again, another wave of self-hatred filling him as he does.]

I-- I'm sorry, Mithos. If it upsets you, I won't say things like that anymore...

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