imatreenow | ✘ appointments

Thank you... [He wishes there were words that meant more, but he has to settle for these.]

I'm really lucky to have you as a friend. [Even if he can't see it after everything he hasn't gone through yet... He hopes Jeb can meet his future self - even if the thought scares him, because everything about who he will become scares him - and help him too.] It won't be too late, will it? [He doesn't want it to be...]

You're welcome, Mithos! Don't worry about it...

[But he thinks about that question.

"Too late"... no. No, it can't be! If it wasn't too late before Mithos reverted to this age, then it's not now! Jeb can't accept that... he won't--]

...no.

No, it'll never be too late. The village will still accept you! And even if... even if they don't somehow, I'll never give up on you. No matter what, you're still my friend. You'll still be precious to me, Mithos.

[Still trembling, but he means every word of it.]

Even if you reject it, I'll always stand by your side. I'll always defend you. Even if you push me away a thousand times, I won't give up.

We'll always be friends, okay? I promise.

[All of that, for him? For him? He wants to complete the promise, but...he can't control what his future self thinks, can he? All he can do is hope that Jeb - that someone, anyone - will be able to open his eyes. He doesn't want to waste his time here stumbling around in the darkness.]

I trust you. [Don't let him down...please...]

Edited 2013-07-21 04:49 (UTC)

[Those three words ring in his ears for a few moments. He's trembling less, smiling softly. He lets out a soft, content sigh, letting his own worries be washed away.]

I'll give the other you a reason to trust me, too. [Which is why he doesn't mind if Mithos doesn't complete the promise.] Because... Mithos Yggdrasill is someone important to me.

No matter which one it is.

[He draws back from the embrace, to study his friend's face. A smile lights across his face and it only takes a moment to turn sheepish.] I'm sorry - I came out here to listen to you, but I ended up talking a lot about myself...

[One hand now lingers on Jeb's shoulder.] Thank you... I really can't say that enough, can I?

That's okay. It looks like you had a lot to say too, so I'm glad you got it off your chest.

[He can't help but blush at the fact that Mithos' hand lingers on his shoulder.] I... well, only if you think you can't. [...there's something else he should mention too, isn't there? Since... he can explain to this Mithos.]

I.... um, about earlier this month, Mithos...

[Mithos tenses, heat flashing across his face, as memories from just a few weeks ago pour into his mind; he pulls his hand back from Jeb, suddenly awkward about how close they are. His smile is forced now.]

Don't worry about it! It was because the Malnosso were running an experiment, right?

[After he woke up and realized it wasn't real, he...wasn't sure how to feel about everything that had happened. He had never kissed anyone before or thought about someone in that way; he still has reservations about the legitimacy of the concept of liking another boy. To be pushed into that unfamiliar territory was embarrassing, and to have his mind and heart manipulated like that was alarming.]

[Jeb can tell how tense things just got, feeling bad when Mithos' hand drops and when he notices how forced Mithos' smile now seems. He tries to laugh.]

Right! It was because of that, but I... I still wanted to apologize to you, Mithos. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...

[He shouldn't have again. But how much power does he really hold during those times? None at all, really. And Mithos wasn't the only one Jeb felt such attraction towards this time...]

...I'm sorry for bringing it up, too. It must have been... really weird for you, right?

[And Mithos had just started smiling for real again... Jeb's really upset with himself, now--he's so stupid!]

Yeah... [What is he doing? He just told Jeb that he trusted him; he had opened up his heart and spilled the darkest parts of himself out. He can talk about anything with Jeb, can't he? His smile fades and he looks away, embarrassed.]

I don't like not having any control over my own actions. [Which is part of why his future self terrifies him so much.]

I...

[He hates that he's caused more tension again. He hates it, hates it, hates it--]

I don't like not having control over what I do, either. When I do things, I want it to be because... because I want to. Because I truly want to, not because I'm made to. So I understand... [He does want to be Mithos' friend. He wasn't lying, and that's something the real him wants. But while he does love Mithos as a friend, he doesn't love Mithos romantically. There's only one person Jeb feels that way about, and how many times have the Malnosso made him betray her by this point?]

I really shouldn't have brought it up...

[He holds himself loosely, trying to gain control over himself. To not get too upset, because how can he even fight against an experiment?]

[A beat of silence as he stares out into the darkness; then he takes a breath.] It wasn't your fault, Jeb. You weren't in control of what you were doing or-- [feeling] --or anything either.

It's scary...not having a choice. [Is that how his future self feels? He's still having trouble seeing the world from that foreign point of view - and he's grateful for that scrap of salvation.]

...it is. [Jeb's looking away now, too. His voice is small, shaky, uncertain.] Feeling like somehow, your life has been paved for you. That it's not even your life, but the life of someone else. Someone you don't know.

[Terare of Earth... a former guardian of this world. An ancient elemental, struck down. A young woman who was partially reincarnated as Jeb, the other parts of her soul reincarnating as his twin brother and sister. He's had a period of questioning if he was really himself too, hasn't he? Tori wasn't the only one who helped him out of it, but her influence was the one that rang through him the strongest. Because Tori is herself, not just Donovan's fragment. So Jeb had to believe that he was himself, too.]

...but... no matter what, you're still Mithos Yggdrasill. "You" might become "him"... but I believe that "he" is still "you." [His voice picks up again, stronger.] There has to be a way to break through to him and make him realize that, too. I won't stop trying, either.

[Terare of Earth does not define him. "The fragment" does not define Tori. Mithos may change, but his future self still has a choice. He has a choice to find what he used to be again. It won't be the same, and Jeb knows that. But he knows the potential is there. Jeb believes in Mithos.]

I owe that to you. Him. Mithos. The person who will always be my friend, no matter what.

✘ appointments

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[feburary 25th, action] holy shit jeb that is deep when did you get so deep