imatreenow | ✘ appointments post

[He had been grateful for the stretch of solitude that followed those strange days. He didn't want to see anyone. He wanted nothing but to curl in on himself and pretend none of them existed, pretend none of that had happened.

Hatred for this world and those pulling the strings burned in him endlessly for those days spent alone. He hates being tugged inside-out, forced to show the vulnerabilities within, and altered as though by surgery. It always feels so natural and real, and that's why he hates it. If his mind and heart can be manipulated that easily, how is he ever supposed to know whether his thoughts and feelings are his own? Especially when so much confusion already bubbles dangerously inside of him, and he's trying so hard to pretend it isn't there.

He hears someone approaching and tenses, fixing his gaze on the partition of metal bars.]

Edited 2011-06-29 07:58 (UTC)

[And there were the bars.

Entering the cell herself at this point is out of the question, but she carefully slips the fresh items in as best as she can considering the circumstances.

Once she's done, she lifts her head toward that piercing gaze.]

[His eyes narrow. More than anyone else, he didn't want to see her. The mess during the draft, the mess created last week...

He should just stay quiet; speaking with her is always like drowning in too-warm water. If he doesn't say anything, she'll turn and leave and he won't have to deal with it. Except he knows he will - she'll leave, but the thought will still fester in his brain. He doesn't want her to get the wrong idea.]

If you thought your cheap lies had actually gotten through to me, don't. Nothing has changed.

[ It's a surprise that he'd be the one to speak first this time, but it's always strange, how these encounters go. She says nothing for a moment, but when she speaks her voice is calm, meeting his gaze. ] I have a feeling that I'm not the one you want to convince.

[He can almost feel his insides twist into angry knots, taut with the same fear that keeps him clinging to his beliefs. Glowering at her, but remaining firmly rooted in place near the center of the cell.]

I don't have to convince myself of anything - I know what the truth is.

I wonder how long it took you to recover from that shift.

...Why does it matter? It happened and it's over. [Right, like letting go of the past is something he's readily capable of. While he may have recovered from the shift's effects, what makes you think he's recovered from the shift's after-effects?]

Is there a reason why it shouldn't matter? You have a very selective way of handling past incidents.

It wasn't real, so of course it doesn't matter!

If it doesn't matter, you wouldn't have to go out of your way to insist upon that point.

[A gap of silence; it's brief but it lasts far too long. Long enough to affirm that she could see right through him.]

You're just trying to push your own views on me again.

Edited 2011-07-01 05:42 (UTC)

[There's something in that pause. But she's not going to press the issue once it's evident it's there.]

Call it what you like.

Edited 2011-07-01 05:50 (UTC)

I should have known you would see it as you want, regardless of what I say.

... Then perhaps we aren't so different, after all.

[a scoff. That's part of a completely different problem. ...No, not completely. Funny, how everything seems to intersect and it all bleeds together. But "funny" isn't really the word for it.]

That's what I tried to tell you back in our filthy world. Yet you didn't understand then, and you still don't understand now.

I understand more than you realize... and that's all the more reason for me to continue on my path.

If you understood, I wouldn't be in here.

You're in there because you were attacking people. Not because of your beliefs. Which I've stated before.

Honestly, do I need to examine your head to see where the hole in it is?

[this glare, with a matching scowl, is now brought to you by 50% more indignation]

Isn't that the same thing? I don't attack without reason, and I already explained that to you too.

...As a half-elf, you should understand. [This is where things start to get tricky. It's a careful balancing act, trying to draw out one of the threads without snagging the others nearby and revealing too much. Or plucking out what he doesn't want to look at. Because he isn't supposed to care that she and Genis hadn't agreed with him, but... It's always more complicated than any one piece.]

Edited 2011-07-01 07:39 (UTC)

Attacking someone who cannot defend themselves, regardless of the reason, is wrong, Mithos. As easily as you can attack them, you can also choose to walk away. You have that choice.

[And they're back to this... But when it comes to her, there's never any easy topic.]

No, I don't.

That is your decision. A conscious choice. [And why he's still in there.]

Why do you think it's so easy to just walk away from something? [he realizes a second too late that this statement contradicts what he'd said earlier just enough to discredit his previous indifference about the shift, but that doesn't matter enough right now. Because he's bitter, and he's frustrated, and he knows he's right. He needs to be right.]

Edited 2011-07-01 08:12 (UTC)

I never said it was easy. But you've certainly changed your tune from just a few minutes ago.

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